Sunday, April 10, 2005

19 Things That Are Bothering Me Presently

1. Denise Richards’ eyebrows. Oh, and I don’t care about your divorce.
2. That Rob and Amber are going to win The Amazing Race.
3. The woman at Publix who’s 9-months-pregnant belly was purposely hanging out of her shirt and skirt. It didn’t even look good when Rachel did it on Friends – and you’re not Rachel.
4. Dominic Monaghan’s teeth/accent/mere existence.
5. That my lactose intolerance can change my plans without notice.
6. That those fuckers at my husband's office think it is socially acceptable to neither RSVP to a wedding, buy a gift, nor acknowledge it at all.
7. Everything about Rachael Ray, and the fact that I can't seem to stop watching all 87 of her shows on the Food Network.
8. That last night's Saturday Night Live didn't make me laugh once.
9. All of the Desperate Housewives. Except maybe Felicity Huffman who we all know doesn't really belong on that show anyway.
10. Constantly hearing/reading about the state of Nick and Jessica's marriage. What is the big mystery? I think that the Brad and Jen split proved to us that the tabloids are scarily accurate.
11. That The Shield feels it is so important that it needs an hour and 10 minutes each episode, thereby throwing off whatever I am taping afterwards. Maybe it's the Glenn Close factor.
12. People who pronounce it Abercrombie and Finch and Kimono Dragon.
13. That Joe is intent on making me deaf by the sheer volume of the surround sound.
14. That I can never find a pair of shoes when I need them and have money.
15. My need to obsessively check my Ebay account every 12 minutes.
16. The dumb bitch on The Bachelor who dyed her hair blonde mid season to win the affections of an oaf named Charlie who likes blondes.
17. That Star Jones won't admit that she's had gastric bypass surgery.
18. All those goddamned LIVESTRONG bracelets that every sheep in America is wearing right now. The positivity of your show of support for cancer has been cancelled out by your lack of independent thought.
19. K Fed.



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