Shopping for Dummies
Alternate title: My Wednesday Afternoon
1. Stupidly think that the mall won't be crowded because people work on Wednesdays.
2. Forget all gift cards at home.
3. Swear quietly when you realize this.
4. Eat a pretzel.
5. Walk by Bath and Body Works 3 times to see if the crowd inside is still agoraphobia-inducing thick.
6. Dodge several children wearing those shoes with wheels on the bottom.
7. Buy hair products at Trade Secret, then wince when the cashier reflexively looks at your unwashed hair.
8. Buy a bunch of useless crap with the rationale that it's 50% off.
9. Tell your best friend over the phone that the mall is a cluster-fuck.
10. Round a bookshelf to realize that you just taught young children a new word.
2. Forget all gift cards at home.
3. Swear quietly when you realize this.
4. Eat a pretzel.
5. Walk by Bath and Body Works 3 times to see if the crowd inside is still agoraphobia-inducing thick.
6. Dodge several children wearing those shoes with wheels on the bottom.
7. Buy hair products at Trade Secret, then wince when the cashier reflexively looks at your unwashed hair.
8. Buy a bunch of useless crap with the rationale that it's 50% off.
9. Tell your best friend over the phone that the mall is a cluster-fuck.
10. Round a bookshelf to realize that you just taught young children a new word.
posted by Cory at 5:40 PM
5 Comments:
You should have come here. I was at the mall yesterday and did not even wait in line in Macy's at 2 separate registers. I was trying to figure out where the hell everyone was, but now I know. They were in your town.
The only way I shop with gift cards is by forgetting them. I should have known we'd have that in common too.
The best part is that you can say "clusterfuck" to me over the phone while not moving your mouth and I can totally understand the exact curse word you're using.
Move over here. There aren't malls. And no one will know what you're saying on the phone so you won't be corrupting anyone. The cuisine is great too .... LOL!
I was in B&BW on the day after Christmas and they were so busy that the girl who was supposed to be handling my exchange gave me a refund for everything I had in my hand. I figured it was a gift for braving that store to begin with!
Don't worry about teaching the kiddies new words. I used to teach the kiddies the martial arts. They know A LOT more than most folks think they know.
Case in point - I learned a new work from the kiddies "earpussies" - which I found out is from the Tenacious D movie.
I think I like the word earpussies...
-TL
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