Friday, November 04, 2005

My Husband's All Smart Like

Me: So I’m reading this book called Weird Florida and right now I’m on the part about UFO sightings. It’s so cool, but you don’t believe in them right?
Him: I believe in UFOs, I just don’t believe in aliens.
Me: Then who’s driving the UFOs?
Him: People from the future.
Me: Whaaa?
Him: Time travel is a mathematical equation. It’s just like the speed of light; it’s all based on quantum physics.
Me: How did the people get in the future?
Him: They’re our ancestors in about 900 years.
Me: Are they humans or Earthlings?
Him: Yes, or offshoots.
Me: Does that mean we’re really dead right now?
Him: No, but we are in 900 years.
Me: Where do the time travelers live right at this moment when they’re not piloting the UFOs?
Him: They live on Earth in 900 years, or on the moon or Mars which will be colonized by then.
Me: Ok. If these people have not yet been born, how are they coming back to see us?
Him: It’s like they’re coming back to research things. Like looking at a history book or at photographs.
Me: So, we’re like dead?
Him: No. Think about looking at a star. By the time you see it, the light has traveled millions of light years and the star is not the same by the time you see it.
Me: I just don’t know how we can be here right now if it’s really 900 years in the future.
Him: Sighhhh. Ok, there is something called the time/space continuum…
Me: Hold on, I have to wipe the blood from my eyes. Ok. I can’t talk about this anymore because it’s freaking me out. I guess our beliefs are different, like I believe in aliens, reincarnation, and ghosts and you don’t. Today at work a woman said she was catching a cold and she was going to ask the people at her church later that night to lay their hands on her. I think that’s complete horseshit. Do you believe in that?
Him: Totally. I believe you can transfer life force from one human being to another.
Me: Is it all about the energy and stuff?
Him: Yeah. The energy has the power to heal.
Me: No more Star Trek.

Next time I'll tell you his theory on how the earth will someday end.


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