Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Rules

Last night I was watching a DVD of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" episodes. This is one of my favorite shows, and it’s a little scary how much I relate to Larry David’s character, Larry David.

In one episode taking place on Halloween, he refused to pass out candy to two teenage girls who weren’t dressed up. He’s a man of principle after all, which I appreciate. The next morning his yard was covered in toilet paper and he and his wife got into a huge fight over it. He was trying to explain that he didn’t feel like he had to give them candy, and she was like “you had the bowl of candy in your hands, why not just give them some?” His wife then said something to the effect of “you have a lot of rules Larry. Not everyone knows about your rules.”

I have a lot of rules. Not only for myself, but for the general population. I’ve broken some of these rules, but only by accident or because I had no choice. Christine has rules too, and these are the topic of many conversations. These are based on etiquette, experience, and just plain good sense. Sometimes when we point out how wrong something is, someone will say “that’s not true, that’s only according to the rules of Christine and Cory.”

Well then. Let’s go over a few rules. WARNING – this may be as offensive to some as my Bluetooth asshole post. Just because you break one of these rules doesn’t mean I’ll stop liking you, just that I may tsk tsk and then immediately call Christine. It may make you stop liking me though.

1. It’s not okay to have a baby shower for your fifth child.
2. When it comes to wedding and shower gifts, thank you notes are not optional.
3. There will come a day when a woman really should stop wearing a string bikini and shopping in the junior’s department.
4. No white shoes after Labor Day.
5. A bra is an absolute must if you’re going out in public. The only exception to this is if you don’t really need a bra, and you wear layers or dark colors so it’s not obvious.

There are many, many more, but I have to reign myself in sometimes. Please tell me some of your own rules.


Blogger Barbara said...

I go kind of nuts when people tend to their personal hygeine in public - cleaning/clipping nails, brushing hair, applying make up, or (god forbid) nose-picking!

6:47 PM  
Blogger Allygator said...

I agree with you on all counts, although I do think there is some leeway in the baby shower department...like if you have 4 boys and then your last child is a girl, or if your kids are spread out by many years (i.e., more than 5), since most baby products get recalled and/or make major improvements in safety as time passes. My rule with this is that if your next child is the same sex as your previous child, or your next child is born not long after #1 arrived, you shouldn't get another baby shower. Then again, if someone insists on throwing you one, what do you do?!?

My mom actually still shops in the juniors department and she is in her early 60's -- I think she is the only exception to the rule I've ever known. She would look REALLY WEIRD in something from Talbot's. She has a way of making the clothes not look TOO young though...she's definitely not out there trying to look like a cougar. For some strange reason, young clothes suit her.

My own rules...hmmmm...

1. If you wanna be my friend, you can't ever get offended if you call me and I don't call you back. If I do call you back, consider yourself very loved because I absolutely loathe talking on the phone.

2. If you are loyal to me, I will be just as loyal back (though usually more so). If, on the other hand, you don't have my back, don't expect me to have yours.

3. It's okay to include where someone is registered in a shower invitation, but NEVER in a wedding or party invitation! I am shocked by how many people actually do this.

There are many more, but I don't want to hog all of your comment space. :) xoxo

7:57 AM  
Blogger C. said...

OMG alicia...i got pressured into my baby shower! it was a nightmare. not the baby shower itself, that was BEAUTIFUL, but the whole guilt trip i put myself through since i was breaking one my more important rules! i tried and tried to get out of it, but the hostess INSISTED (she is wonderful and in some ways, i'm glad she did). but that's just me...i know most people do not follow this rule and i'm ok with it. i'm just neurotic about it for myself.

9:11 AM  
Blogger mk99 said...

First off:
baby shower - agreed
thank you notes - of course
bikinis/kids clothes - absolutely agreed
white shoes - of course not and not before easter
bra - give me a break, even if you don't have much apple, we still don't want to see your stem

Some of my rules:

If I invite you to a party and you don't come - you might not be on the next invitation list. Not being nasty, but can't stand rejection.

Yes your kids are cute. Do we want to entertain them while you eat dinner and we're trying to do the same? I think not. (see my recent blog post for further ranting).

Don't tell me what to get you as a gift without me asking for ideas.

11:36 AM  
Anonymous Jen said...

i've been lurking here for a week or more.

i saw your comment on fluid pudding's site about top chef. and had to delurk to say that i couldn't find ANYBODY who was watching it. but they will ALL watch American Idol. top chef was soooo much more interesting. and tom coliccho is just a hottie in all his bald-headed glory. at the end, dave just pissed me off.

i too have rules. especially about the proper use of turn signals.

12:42 PM  
Blogger Allygator said...

I remember how stressed you were about that. See, in my rule book, you were okay to begin with because it had been several years between A. and E. and they weren't the same sex. We all know some major offenders and you, my love, are not one of them. :)

3:38 PM  
Blogger Cory said...

Thank you all for making me feel like less of a freak.

B - I hear you. Don't you love how people think they're invisible if they're in their car?

A - Your Mom is fabulous and makes up her own rules.

MK - I understand about the parties. If you don't RSVP to say my wedding, you're dead to me.

C - Did you notice that I left out some of the more offensive rules? You can blog about those.

J - I love delurkers! Tom Colicchio is my secret boyfriend, but I'd settle for Harold too.

4:26 PM  
Blogger C. said...

C - Oh, you mean the kind like, "People should always use hand sanitizer after walking around a major metropolitan city all day before sticking their hands DIRECTLY in the mouth of a 9 month old"?

8:45 AM  
Blogger Allygator said...

Oooh, mk reminded me of another rule...if you are invited to a party and don't RSVP (even if you can't make it...especially if you can't make it), you suck.

My mom IS fabulous...isn't she?!? ;)

7:29 PM  

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