Beef Stew Made My Way

4:00 pm – get home and fart around for awhile.
5:15 pm – decide to make beef stew for dinner which you meant to do days ago.
5:18 pm – take beef out of refrigerator. Stare at it for awhile and wonder if the brown color means it’s spoiled.
5:20 pm – sniff meat. Wrinkle nose. Check the sell by date and see that you are within one day of it being officially bad. Say “oh, what the hell” and start to brown beef.
5:30 pm – add seasoning and water to meat, simmer.
6:17 pm - eat half of a can of Pringles because you are starving.
7:00 pm – cut up an ass load of vegetables, add to pot.
7:45 pm – check to see if the vegetables are tender, as the package instructions said they would be by this time.
7:46 – say a lot of swear words and shake fist because vegetables are still raw.
7:47 – turn up heat and tell husband that we may eat sometime before breakfast tomorrow.
8:30 – check the vegetables and cheer when you see that they are finished.
8:31 – realize that neither husband nor you are hungry anymore.
8:32 – say “oh, what the hell,” and ladle stew into bowls. Serve with store bought corn muffins, because it’s ok to spend 3 hours making the stew, but baking own corn muffins may push you over the edge.
8:35 – burn tongue on extremely hot stew. Say a lot of swear words and shake fist when you realize that corn muffins are in fact vanilla cupcakes with cornmeal dusted on top.