Saturday, June 10, 2006

I Am Not Very Bright: An Essay In Photos

This morning I wasted several hours sorting through CDs of pictures in an attempt to organize and compress. Is compress the right word? I don't care right now, and that will all make sense later. The whole time I was working on the pictures, I knew in my mind that it was to reduce the number of CDs in my possession, an attempt to further purge clutter from my life. Three hours into the project it occurred to me that CDs don't take up very much space at all.

This afternoon I made my first loaf of gluten-free bread in the bread maker. It turned out like this:

And also like this:

I really don't think it's my fault that it turned out 1/3 of the size it was supposed to. I think the yeast was dead. The dough did look like the blob brother Chet was turned into in the movie Weird Science. How is it that I can still remember his name?

This evening I ate a big dinner, then decided it was time to do a little gardening. Anyone who knows me will say that I don't like hard work, and I don't like the heat. It reached 99 degrees today with a million percent humidity. But really, this flower bed looked terrible. It was a mish mash of several different flowers and bushes which clashed and has been preventing us from winning our development's "yard of the month." Note how big that bush is on the right:

It is great to be a Florida Gator, but not in my freaking yard:

I dug out everything in the aforementioned flower bed. By my own damn self.

I had to lie down in the grass a few times and I'm still seeing spots and in grave danger of vomiting. No snake sightings, but if I were afraid of lizards I would already be dead, rather than waiting to die of heat stroke later tonight.


Blogger C. said...

I'm so tired after reading that I'm going back to bed.

Gluten-free bread? Gardening (in Florida, in June, no less)? What the hell were you thinking? Next time call me and I'll talk some sense into you.

8:12 AM  
Blogger MysteryGirl said...

I've never seen anything like that concrete gator in my life. I'm relieved that you dug it up.
I agree with Christine about extreme gardening in June. Next time you better just go down to the 7-11 and pick up some illegal Mexicans.

3:15 PM  
Blogger Allygator said...

I feel as if I don't even know you anymore...I think the lack of gluten is messing with your head because no Cory of MINE would be caught dead outside in the heat gardening.

I think you remember the name Chet because that's what we always called Robe's brother, Joe. At least there is a justifiable explanation for something!

Love you!

4:52 PM  
Blogger Cory said...

It's the heat that's given me brain damage. Getting rid of the gator was just one more step toward de-bachelorizing the pad. Not his fault, it was a gift.

HA! We did call Robe's brother Chet. Bill Paxton played him. I still have a hard time taking him seriously, especially in Big Love.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Allygator said...

He's too damn goofy to be taken seriously. Actually, Stephen used to work with this guy who looked exactly like him. We couldn't take him seriously either.

8:57 PM  
Blogger Diary of a motherless daughter said...

The gator is very attractive.I know I can sleep better tonight knowing he is IN FULL VIEW for the postman. I only I could get one of them thar gators fur my yard up here in Michi-gan!
As for the heat...this is the SOLE reason I am stuck up here in the DAMN tundra, my hubby won't go south because he hates the heat.

1:08 PM  
Blogger Cory said...

I could get you one of those gators, no charge at all. Slightly used, but in good shape. You are so lucky to live in a place with 4 seasons.

3:27 PM  
Anonymous jen said...

ozzy osbourne would TOTALLY throw that bread over the neighbor's fence!!

here's a link for you regarding gluten. this women is a stellar writer and LOVES food

4:33 PM  

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