I Suffer From An Affliction

It's called "must eat gifts meant for other people." It is impossible for me to keep food or alcohol in the house when I know I have to give it away. It's not that I don't want the recipient to have it, it's just that I can't resist the temptation. We usually buy Halloween candy twice - once at the beginning of October, and another time the day before Halloween because the first batch is gone. If I've ever given you a bottle of wine or God forbid Bailey's, it is more than likely the second bottle I've purchased. Box of Godiva? You probably got a book instead. Edible stocking stuffers? Forget about it. Right now I've hidden this jewel from Hickory Farms in a closet. It's a Christmas gift and you can bet it's calling my name. I don't even like summer sausage or those gross mints, but just knowing that it's in my house makes it that much more delectable. If I broke into this basket it would end like this: nothing would taste as good as it looked, I would stuff myself with those bricks of cheese, I would wallow in self hatred along with water crackers, and then I would kick my own ass because Hickory Farms shit is expensive. I speak from experience.