Thursday, December 08, 2005

Welcome To My Internal Dialog While Working, And No I'm Not Schizophrenic

Is Quentin the father of Julia’s baby on Nip/Tuck? Because she slept with Sean that one time and she’s kind of a slut. I always thought she was unlikable, but she tried to kill her mother in the last episode. What if Quentin’s the father? I think he’s smarmy and hard to look at and I was really looking forward to him being written off the show. It’s his lips. I don’t like his lips. Who’s the carver? Is it Quentin or is that just too obvious? Is it Matt? I don’t think so. Maybe it’s someone we haven’t met yet. No, it’s Quentin. But that’s way too obvious. It’s Quentin. Or Matt.

What am I going to eat for lunch?

Why does it take nine months to release a hardback book into a paperback? I know that’s the gestational period for a human, but for a paperback? Or is that just some arbitrary amount of time the publishing house comes up with? I really want to buy the sequel to “Something Borrowed” but it won’t be released until March. I looked for it on ebay and someone was selling it for a dollar, but charging $14.99 for shipping like I wouldn’t notice that. What a douche. How can I rationalize spending $25.00 for a new hardback book? Barnes and Noble only has one copy and the dust jacket is all jacked up and I could never get my money back on ebay. Maybe I’ll go to the library. No, then they’ll have to order it and it will take a week and I want it now. Now. At least before the weekend. I’ll go by Barnes and Noble on my way home. No, that’s silly. Yes, I really want it and I never buy new books. Except those two new books I bought from Amazon last week. No, absolutely not. Maybe.

Something warm to eat because it’s cold and rainy out.

I really hope I get Kathy Griffin tickets for Christmas. She is so funny. I watched her act last night on Bravo and I’m just going to buy my own tickets if I don’t get them. I’ll go by myself if I have to. Why did she and her husband get a divorce? They were so cute together. I think I’m getting the tickets. It’s the only thing I really asked for.

Burger King. Yeah, I haven’t had that all week.

Myspace makes me feel like such a loser. I know I’m slow to catch on, but I only have two friends and my two friends have like 75 friends each. I don’t have the patience to figure out how to load a picture or anything, so I would be trying to invite friends to be my friends and they’d be like “who the hell is that?” I’ll worry about that later. Who would be able to find me through this thing? Everyone. Oh, who cares? I’ve already Googled my name and anyone could find me. Come to my job even. With a machine gun. Oh my God. I never thought about how many people must hate me from my last job where I had to fire them. I’m not going to think about that.

I won’t get fries. Just a hamburger.

Is my cat going to get sick from eating the Christmas tree? Why is she doing that? Does it taste good or is it just the sensation? I hope she’s not eating the tinsel because I’m finding it all over the house. I’ll check the litterbox. She’s such a freak. But so cute.

No, a cheeseburger. And a Coke. Yeah.

I think I’m going to see Brokeback Mountain by myself tomorrow. I’ll go after work. I haven’t done that in so long. I can’t think of one single person who would want to see that movie with me. How would I explain that it’s a western where two men fall in love? I don’t like westerns. How graphic are those love scenes going to be? I’m just going to go by myself. I’m going to get popcorn. Without butter though. And a Coke. I don’t need any candy. Just popcorn.

I think I’m getting a chest cold.

Why’s my printer so slow?

I’m sick of Starbucks.

I need to get motivated.

Why in the hell is the air conditioner on?

I’m going to go get Burger King now.

And drive by Barnes and Noble.



Blogger Barbara said...

I'm trembling on the edge of my seat - I have to know! Did you get fries? Do you really think Burger King burgers taste better than McDonalds? Do you think the so-called flame-broiled taste is actually something they add to the meat out of a squirt tube? Oh gross. I bet it is. Like how they get that new-car smell in cars. I mean, not all cars are going to smell the same, that's silly. They're made out of different things. They're made in different places. Obviously they should smell different but instead they all smell the same. It's so obviously fake smell that's been added, after doing god knows what freakish experiments on humans to see what kind of scents trigger the BUY ME NOW brain spike. What humans to they experiment on anyway? Is it like a college extra-credit kind of experiment? Or do they use people in jail and not tell them what's going on? How do they rig the people up to measure their brain waves? What sort of stimulus do they use?

Do you like diet or regular Coke?

4:20 PM  
Blogger Cory said...

You're too funny Barbara! I did not get fries, Burger King is so much better because of the added flame broiled flavor, and real Coke. I love it so much and don't care how bad for me it is. Do you have American fast food places where you live?

4:33 PM  
Blogger C. said...

Have you forgotten...any form of the word "douche" (bag or ortherwise) is only to be used when speaking of the runaway bride's fiance (as in, "Is that her ex-fiance? No, he's too much of a douche bag to ever leave her.").

4:53 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

We've got 'em all - Micky D's, Burger King, even Kentucky Fried if you go into the big cities. Burger King here is truly disgusting, though. Don't go there. No matter how hungry you think you are, just keep walking. Micky D's is fine - quality control world-wide, you've just got to tip your hat. They do make 'croquet' burgers here, to cater to Dutch taste. Yech!

I loved reading this posting. It was so something I could relate to!

5:22 PM  
Blogger Allygator said...

You crack my shit up, girlfriend! If you want help with your MySpace stuff, just let me know. :) Who WOULDN'T want to be your friend? Let me know who they are and I'll cut them.

Okay, the Carver mystery is totally killing me. Quentin is so obvious, but he makes sense. Especially the homosexual vibe he has going on. Matt is too full of angst to get away with something like that for so long. Quentin was the only one who doesn't have an alibi during the wedding...hmmm. He creeps me out too and I hope his stank ass isn't back for the next season.

Love you!

5:26 PM  
Blogger Allygator said...

Wait! I just realized that Matt doesn't have an alibi for the wedding either! But would be boff his own biological father up the ass? That's pretty fucking twisted, even for Nip/Tuck.

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Heather said...

Oh, Cory, don't let MySpace intimidate you. It's an excellent time waster indeed, but half of the people on my friends page are people I barely know. The other half are musicians.

This is generally how it goes...

Hey Alicia! I see that you are Cory's only other MySpace friend. I also see that you're hilarious and have used more than one cuss word in your comment, which makes me love you even more. I think I've met you maybe once at a wedding-related thing. Wanna be friends?

This is a crucial moment, though, because Alicia could easily reject me and make me feel like a real douche-bag (sorry Christine). But I'm putting myself out there anyway. Cause I just love you bitches, and you all crack me up (Christine, love your blog too, by the way!)

Peace out,

4:29 PM  
Blogger Cory said...

Ha ha. Heather, I love you. Alicia would never forsake you, she would just add you to her friends list and make it an even 100.

Alicia - Only one more week until we find out who the Carver is. It can't be Matt - he's not that smart.

7:38 PM  
Anonymous Heather said...

P.S. I love your picture on this blog. When you're in Atlanta, I'm bringing my laptop and showing you how to put it on MySpace.

11:29 PM  
Blogger Allygator said...

I would never forsake Heather...she is now my friend too, Cory!!!

I can't wait until next Tuesday...I definitely don't think it's Matt...and I don't think it's Liz (per the previews). As horribly lame and obvious as it is, my vote is on Quentin.

2:31 PM  

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