Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Commence Writing Me Hate Mail Now

One day I bought two barstools from Bed, Bath and Beyond. One broke, and it has taken me two months to find a replacement. Last night I finally found one, which was located on a high shelf. It involved taking down three of the wrong colored stools, and wrestling with a horizontal metal bar which was supposed to prevent the correctly colored stools from falling and hitting someone in the head. Slight flaw in the engineering logic there, because then it was impossible to get to the stools behind the bar. This is the single time in my life that I’ve gone to this store and there’s been no one up in my grill asking if they can help me. I wrestled for several minutes to get the metal bar down (I don’t work well above my head). Finally a stool broke free and jumped off the shelf like a lemming. First it hit me squarely in the head, and then broke into kindling as it hit the floor. I honestly had that cartoon moment where I saw tweety birds circling my head. Now fueled by anger and adrenaline, I jerked the stool I wanted down with my super human strength and sustained no further injury. I have this really annoying honesty/good karma personality trait that compels me to tell someone if they’ve given me back too much change, etc. It really gets on my nerves. I pushed down all those urges and left the piece of shit bar stool lying on the floor. I figured it was retribution for my concussion and for my broken sunglasses which had been sitting on my head.



Blogger C. said...

You just said, "up in my grill". *snort* You are too much.

ok, reading this was even funnier than you telling me about it on the phone. sort of reminds me of how grumpy we would get after hanging all that stupid tourist crap up in that one outdoor gift shop during our time in hell. I mean Marineland. Hey, there's an idea for a story. If i remember right, i think Alicia did some time there too.

2:50 PM  
Blogger MysteryGirl said...

Happy Valentine's Day Cory! I love your stories. I just laughed so hard I'm crying!

3:08 PM  
Blogger Allygator said...

You know, you could sue! Then you'd have enough money to hire someone to buy your barstools for you.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Allygator said...

Yes, I did do some time at Marineland, though not in the cushy luxury of the gift shop (giggle*snort). I was a concession stand whore, which I might say sucked, except that it gave me the chance to meet the cute highdiver boys (and date one for an extended period of time).

6:08 PM  
Blogger T said...

You kicked the pile of kindling a little bit as you left didn't you... just to get it back for the bonk on the head... I know you did ;)

Happy VD Cory!!!

10:12 PM  

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