Tuesday, June 20, 2006

What's That Smell?

On Saturday we went to Islands of Adventure. It's not owned by Disney after all, but I am often too lazy to check my facts.

There is a special place in Heaven for the inventor of these water misty things:


Hey - I have an idea! Let's start selling alcohol in the morning, because nothing mixes better than heat, crowds, long lines and drunk people. With an admission price of $73.00, I should think fist fights would be included.

Did you know that some people from other countries don't know that it's socially unacceptable to skip others in line? And then there are others who have a moral objection to wearing deoderant. To be fair, that isn't limited to foreigners by any means.

I saw lots of people in wheelchairs and scooters. Also, lots of older kids being pushed in strollers. I found this unsettling since I've been watching that show Honey, We're Killing the Kids. Something good was that the majority of the restaurants and food carts sold "healthy alternatives" i.e. salads and fruit. Doesn't mean that anyone bought them, just that they were offered. As were turkey legs. It felt a little like being at a Renaissance festival.

One woman who was pushing her 8-year-old son in a stroller thought it would be funny to let go of the stroller as it went down a ramp. It came within inches of knocking me down, causing me to leap out of the way and scream "Jesus Christ" in front of several kids. I think I showed tremendous restraint by not screaming what I really wanted, which was something containing the words stupid, fucking, and bitch.

Right after this happened, I suffered a small psychotic break in which I burst into tears in a restaurant and asked I asked Joe over and over if he thought I would make a horrible mother since I hated theme parks and had limited patience with the human race. That was fun.

I'm not making fun of people with certain body dimensions or prosthetic limbs. I'm just wondering if the park had to make these signs after someone's body part flew off?

12 Comments:

Blogger Caribou said...

Love your bitching! Keep up the good work. LOL
Oshawa,Ontario, Canada

9:24 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Do you think you if hacked off that stupid woman's head pushing her 8 year old in a stroller, it would be considered a prosthetic limb?

10:08 AM  
Blogger MysteryGirl said...

I also hate theme parks (of the Disney or anything in Orlando variety, I'm still down with Busch Gardens). I don't deal with crowds well because somehow I always end up right next to the biggest ass in the crowd.
I think the heat got to you. It won't make you a bad mother...I hope, or I'm in trouble too!

12:05 PM  
Blogger Trish said...

Holy crap....theme parks? No thanks I'll stay home with a good book and a rum & coke. Here in Ontario we have "Canada's Wonderland" which is theme park hell. I went once with my kids and even THEY hated it.

1:19 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

i love the sign with the little guy and his fake arm!!

the snake totally creeps me out. we had a snake living under our front porch. he would come out and bask in the sun. i would go out the back door.

i don't like snakes.

1:20 PM  
Blogger C. said...

Get out of here right now. You will make a wonderful mom. Do you not remember all the patience you have with k. and a. when they come to stay with you??? Hello! You dream up fun things to do, you allow things like, staying up late, eating lots of candy and sugar for breakfast! That's the perfect mom in ANY child's book!

You have the kids best interest at heart...that's all it takes (ok, it also takes not being a dumb ass, but you're certainly not one of those).

I hate theme parks too. And about 98% of the human race.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

Okay, I am printing off that warning sign and hanging it above my desk at work. That should clue in a manager or two ....

As for being a rotten mother and hating theme parks and wondering occassionally why the human race hasn't managed to kill itself off yet .... Well, I have three kids and despite my countless shortcomings as a human, my absolute dislike of amusement parks, and my insanely short patience with most other humans, I seem to be doing okay as a mother. (Of course, they are very young and may turn out to be cannibals or Republicans.)

4:50 PM  
Blogger Diary of a motherless daughter said...

Who has an 8 year old in a STROLLER???

10:29 PM  
Blogger Fightin' Mad Mary said...

I hate line cutters!! That just makes me fightin' mad...I hate when people cut lines in traffic too! URGHH!!!
I haven't been to a theme park in years...now I know why!

3:45 PM  
Blogger Allygator said...

OMG - you should have a warning on that post to read with caution if you've just had a c-section and have stitches that can hurt when you laugh too hard. I think that would be more appropriate than posting a warning about prosthetic limbs. Ha ha.

You will be an incredible mom someday...TRUST ME!!!

6:14 PM  
Blogger KILROY_60 said...

Running a couple weeks behind contacting those I've included in posting --- "A Hitchhiker's Guide To The Blogosphere".

I'll be back to visit you again. Until then...

1:13 AM  
Blogger T said...

It's because you hate theme parks and have little patience for unrully kids that you will be a great mom. You've witnessed and what not to do in raising your kids and will start out on the right path. You'll make some changes in you oppinion of whats right or wrong along the way as they get bigger- i.e. days where you just let them have too many sweets just because or stay up too late because you missed them so much that day but the real stuff... sounds like you got it covered!

If it makes you feel better those situations drive me nuts too!

8:13 AM  

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