Hey Teacher, Leave Those Kids Alone

My friend Beverly started teaching school for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Since then I have been leaving her voicemails singing “Hot for Teacher” by Van Halen and “Brick in the Wall” by Pink Floyd, etc. Beverly didn’t grow up listening to this type of music, so for each musical voicemail that I leave for her, she leaves me one saying “I just got this really weird message from you.” You would have gotten it, right?

I was just reading a blog and a picture was posted of a woman and a baby, and the baby’s name was “Alchemy.” Alchemy is my favorite computer game of all time and no one loves it more than I. I still wouldn’t even name a pet goldfish that. Why do people do this to their children? Do they want them to grow up to be a drug addled prostitute or serial killer because he/she didn’t get a fair start in life? Yesterday a man applied for a job at my company and his name was Bryan Bryan. He went by his middle name, but still. Do people think that’s funny?

I’m going to take a break for a few days. I don’t feel like joking or bitching about my minor inconveniences while I can’t watch the news without crying. We are going to Las Vegas this weekend, so I will try to remember every absurd and funny detail. Peace out. (That was for you Bridge).