I'm Back on Caffeine!

Yesterday my work travels brought me to a very questionable neighborhood. I had to pee so badly that I stopped at a convenience store. This was a case of desperate times calling for desperate measures because it is not unusual to pass this store and see prostitutes standing out front and drug deals being made in the parking lot. I went inside and started looking for the ladies’ room. The only restroom door was closed and there were boxes stacked up against it like a barricade. The owner saw the frantic look on my face, sized me up and took a gamble that I would most likely not be using the restroom to shoot up or to give blow jobs to strangers. So he led me over to an unmarked door which was blocked by large amounts of soda. He moved the cases, unlocked 3 locks, taught me a secret handshake, and then let me into the private restroom which doubled as a storage room. It was surprisingly clean and I was very grateful. That is until a 6 foot long fluorescent light bulb fell over from its standing position and hit me on the head.

Today someone brought into the office the best donuts in town. Sweet Jesus, they are like little bites of heaven. One of my co-workers said “I’m not going to be greedy; I’m only going to take two.” That’s really funny when you have been mainlining caffeine and Vicodin all morning.

My friend Nicole just returned from New Orleans where she was part of a pet rescue mission. They saved 67 pets which makes my heart happy. See – I can be a positive person.

I just got home from Michael’s because I had a 50% off coupon I had to use before tomorrow. There was a huge Halloween display, which is understandable. What is not understandable was the huge Christmas display right next to it. The howling monsters loudly competing with the elves singing Christmas carols made me feel like my head would explode. Earlier today I was looking on ebay for Christmas gifts for Joe. I always try to get him something tasteful that features his college mascot. I came across a homemade purse made out of bright blue fabric with little orange alligators on it. I thought “Who the hell would buy that?” It turns out that she shops at Michael’s on Friday afternoons so that she can use her 50% off coupon as well.