Listen Up Girls:

Amber Frey – I have supported you for the past couple of years and sympathized with you because your experience could have happened to me or any one of my friends. It is not fair that your baby daddy drama made national news. What concerns me is that you have two illegitimate kids by two (or in this case 3) men, have multiple partners, and you don’t use birth control. Come on, you are smarter than that. Or at least you played smarter than that on your made for TV movie.

Kate Moss – I really have nothing to say to you, because I've never really liked you. I am not surprised that you use cocaine, nor was I surprised when H&M and Burberry fired you. Drop your loser boyfriend and clean up your act. I bet your biggest worry now is where you are going to get the money to support both your and Pete Doherty’s habits.

Tyra Banks – Are you trying to out-crazy Whitney Houston, Courtney Love, or Janice Dickinson? You are making a fool of yourself on not one, but two television shows. Who gives a shit if your breasts are real or fake? Have you ever heard the expression “the lady doth protest too much?” Let me break it down for you: Pamela Anderson would never go on television and let someone do an ultrasound on her boobs because the whole universe already knows they are fake. Just like yours.