Friday, September 16, 2005

Countdown to the New Fall Shows

While I anxiously await the new fall TV lineup, I have stumbled upon some pretty disturbing shows. One is Taradise, which causes me great physical pain to watch. Tara Reid is a drunk, bloated loser with straw-like hair. Her lifestyle has completely robbed her of any looks she ever had. How is it that she is getting paid to travel around the world, eat at nice restaurants, dance at clubs, get drunk nightly, and talk about herself in front of the camera? I want this job the minute she checks into rehab.

The second is Breaking Bonaduce, which is like watching a train wreck. I cannot look away. Danny Bonaduce is a drunk, bloated loser with weird eyebrows. Scratch the bloated, I think he is actually addicted to steroids and body building. The scenes that are shot of him in therapy sessions with the angry counselor scare the shit out of me. I have never been to a therapist who yells at me, I would consider that unethical to say the least. His wife is a woman whom he married on THE SAME DAY HE MET HER, and they have two children. I worry about the welfare of these kids who are being raised by him and by someone who would actually marry him. Perhaps they will grow up to marry Janice Dickinson’s children, and the spawn they produce will be the first sign of the apocalypse.

The next is The Battle of the Network Reality TV Stars. This isn’t so much disturbing as it is stupid and pointless. I think once you have been on a reality show, you never need to work again. You can just keep participating in reality shows and hopefully win enough money to hold you over until your next appearance on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge. I’ll bet the producers of The Swan are updating their resumes right now, because that Rachel Love Whoever does not look like a woman who got $250,000 worth of plastic surgery. She is plainer than a postal worker. The least she could do is wear makeup while on TV. She owes it to the universe I think. Just one more question: where the hell are Rob and Amber? The only explanation I can think of is that the taping of The Amazing Race overlapped with this show. I shouldn’t worry though; I know I’ll see them next year.

Lastly is the fact that I can't watch The Insider any longer because Kathie Lee Gifford is a new correspondent. Why God, why?


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