I've Been Through the Desert on a Horse With No Name

It felt good to be out of the rain. But not really. We had a good time in Las Vegas. I learned quite a bit from my experience, the main thing being that I will never live there.

The Good:

My hair looks fantastic with no humidity, cotton candy and homemade donuts on the Treasure Island dessert buffet, free drinks – even at the penny slots, and watching Joe politely suffer through Monster In Law.

The Bad:

Dry heat is just as fucking hot as wet heat, jet lag, I suck at gambling, so much dust, traffic, jet lag, it took 11 hours to get there, I’m used to a land where people can’t smoke inside any establishment, and jet lag.

The Ugly:

Americans as tourists, teenage girls with boob jobs driving convertible Mercedes and BMW’s, publicly admitting that I would have paid real money to see Air Supply if I had known it was an option beforehand, and I cheated on my cats with someone named Squeaky.

The Absurd:

Joe’s grandma had to go to the hospital for leg pain the first night we were there. They did a lot of tests and whatnot, but before they did an MRI they asked if she had any metal or shrapnel in her, and also asked if she had an IUD. Um, she’s 88. I would hope not.