I'm What You Would Call An Asshole

Last week I broke down and bought a new cell phone. I figured I needed it since I dropped the last one so many times that pieces were falling off and it was pulling my hair each time I used it. I knew I needed some kind of hands free thing too, because I loathe talking on the phone unless I’m driving. Oh yeah, and to spare the lives of many innocent pedestrians and fellow drivers. I opted for one of the Bluetooth things, and I finally figured out how to use it last night. This morning I was talking to Christine and this is where I became an asshole:

Me: I’m using my new ear piece so I don’t kill anyone today.
Her: Is it one of those Bluetooth ones?
Me: Yeah, but don’t worry, I’m not going to wear it around all day like some pretentious asshole so everyone knows I have a Bluetooth.
Her: Oh. My husband wears his all the time.
Me: Whoops!

I’d like to apologize now to Christine and G. and to everyone else who gets offended by my sweeping generalizations on a daily basis. I can admit that I was wrong just this once, because now I know the glory that is Bluetooth technology. I have been wearing the thing all day, and I get so much done! I can talk and type at the same time! I’ll just try to keep it hidden under my hair so people don’t roll their eyes and think I’m using it as a status symbol and call me an asshole behind my back. Kind of like I used to do.