How to Regain Your Status as a Most Excellent Husband:

1. Don't squint your eyes every time I speak to you with my iPod earphones in. Surely I'm not talking that loudly.
2. Don't laugh directly in my face when I suggest that we go see Just Like Heaven. Wait until I leave the room at least.
3. When I ask you to guess what I am baking for you as a surprise, don't let one of your guesses be "lasagna" when the smell is clearly banana bread. Duh.
4. Please stop taping every episode of Star Trek ever made. They are all the same you know.
5. Stop telling me to get off the coffee table while I'm screaming "there is no fucking you, there is only me!" You don't appreciate Trent.