Whew

I found her. I feel connected to Dianne Farr—despite her nasally voice—because we have the same birthday. Same year and everything. Shannon Elizabeth shares the date with us, but I don’t care about her whatsoever. Funny how that works. Anyway, Dianne was my favorite character on Rescue Me because she was a tough broad who cracked me up and I could relate to her. On the season finale it appeared as though she was written out of the show which made me cry hysterically and pull clumps of hair from my head. I was just watching Numb3rs (purely by accident because you know I would never watch anything with a title that was grammatically incorrect) which is about math and crime and other boring shit. Rob Morrow stars in it and he has aged quite deliciously. Anyway, Dianne is now on this show. I guess I’ll be watching it, but I’ll try to ignore anything that may teach me something.

Have you tried a little something called Diet Coke with Splenda? I had to physically restrain myself from drinking the entire 12 pack today. I can now forgive the folks at Coca Cola for that atrocity called Diet Coke with Lime. I have also had to physically restrain myself from buying songs from iTunes so that we may pay the mortgage this month. A computer, a credit card, and an addictive personality are a dangerous combination for someone like me.

Here’s an embarrassing problem: yesterday I paid money for a PROFESSIONAL to wax my mustache. Yes world, I have a mustache among other things. The bitch let the wax dry too long and now I have a one inch long area where the skin has been ripped off. Painful - yes. Embarrassing - you have no idea. Don’t ever ask someone what happened to her face if you see something like this. Because then you are forcing the dumbass to admit her mistake, and the fact that she had a mustache to begin with.