Saturdays Aren't Always Fun

Today we had our 3rd yard sale of the year. I abhor having yard sales. Our development organizes these every six months or so and we take full advantage because we don't have to put up signs or pay for an ad in the paper. We seem to have 1/4 of our garage designated to house our yard sale shit, but no matter how I try the pile never gets any smaller. You would really want to come to one of my sales. If I get too hot, cold, bored, or tired, my already low prices are slashed drastically. Nine West purse for a quarter? Take it. Three dollars for an entertainment center? It's yours. I was out there for about 4 hours, am completely exhausted, and made about $7.43. But I'll do it again in six months, just you watch.

We live on a small retention pond, and while it's quite pretty I have nightmares about the snakes. Namely the WATER MOCCASINS. When Joe mows the lawn he picks up the snake skins he finds to show me later. I get to see just how big the snakes in the backyard are. He guesses at the variety and I'm pretty sure that he passes off the ones he knows to be moccasins as "just a grass snake" because it's embarrassing to have your wife wear wading boots when she feeds the geese or has people over for a cookout. In our side yard we have a wooden arbor over which flowers and vines grow. I walk under this arbor approximately 2-3 times a week to put something in the trash cans. Today Joe found a snake skin in the fucking arbor literally 6 inches from where my head passes. Harmless grass snake or not, I am waging a full scale campain to move the hell out of this house. I know there are snakes everywhere, but I don't need them taunting me so blatantly. It's like they can smell my fear. We're going to have to revisit this division of labor deal because I won't be taking out anymore trash again, hip waders or not.

I am about to eat a white trash lunch of fried bologna sandwiches (my first in 25 years) and Cheetos, then I get to go to a Mary Kay party. You know you wish you had my life.