Wednesday, June 28, 2006

An Ode To Star Jones, Sung To Justin Timberlake's "Cry Me a River"

*Alternate titles include "I have too much time on my hands," and "I will probably delete this post tomorrow."*


You were obnoxious
You were a bitch
But you didn't know all the ways we loathed you, no
So you took a chance
ABC made other plans
But I bet you didn't think your gig would come crashing down, no

You don't have to say, what you did,
I already know, I found out from The View
Now there's just no chance, for you and Rosie, there'll never be
And don't it make you sad about it?

You told us you did pilates
Why did you lie about losing weight?
Now you tell us your doctors helped you
Was gastric bypass your fate?

Girl I refuse, you must have me confused
With one of your fans
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
To cry, cry me a river
Cry me a river-er
Cry me a river
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

I know that they say
That some things are better left unsaid
Is that what they mean when they say your husband's gay?
(Don't act like you don't know it)
All of these things The Insider told us
Keep messing with my head
You should've picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it
(Yea..)

You don't have to say, what you did,
I already know, I found out on The View
Now there's just no chance, for you and Barbara, there'll never be
And don't it make you sad about it?

You told us your contract wasn't renewed
Did you lie for the pity?
Yesterday you tell us you were fired
When you were supposed to wait until July

Girl I refuse, you must have me confused
With one of your fans
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
To cry, cry me a river
Cry me a river-er
Cry me a river
Cry me a river-er, yea yea

Oh
The damage is done
So I guess you'll be leaving
Oh
The damage is done
No more on-air product plugs
Oh
The damage is done
See you never
Oh
The damage is done
So I guess you'll be... leaving

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9 Comments:

Blogger mk99 said...

LOL - I just finished posting a Star Jones slam on my blog and low and behold I find SourPuss ranting along with me.

So long miss no personality. Rosie O'Donnell kicks your ass in her sleep!

8:42 PM  
Blogger MysteryGirl said...

Excellent! I was singing as I was reading.
I think you're back.

8:54 PM  
Anonymous jen said...

updates please!!

what has been going on out there?

i've been out of the loop.

and thank you for the katie lee joel news. i would have completely missed that lovely little tid-bit.

9:09 PM  
Blogger T said...

OK - I am in a world of my own- please tell what happened.. Star got fired- got stapled and is gay? Huh-what?

6:34 PM  
Blogger Cory said...

Apparently, Star's contract wasn't renewed for next season. ABC told her that she could handle it however she wanted, but they promised to never say her contract wasn't renewed. She announced that she was leaving on Tuesday, though she was supposed to be there through July. On Wednesday she was gone. She says she feels she was fired, they say they feel betrayed.

She lost approx. 150 lbs. and wouldn't divulge how. It's very obvious she had some help.

She plugs products on the show to get freebies, especially for her wedding.

Everyone and their brother thinks her husband is gay.

The end.

7:56 PM  
Blogger Fightin' Mad Mary said...

LOVE THE SONG!! You have way to much time on your hands to write all that!

Message to Star - girl you got fired! Get over it and quit your trash talking - it ain't pretty!

I can't wait for Rosie...she is gonna kick the young one's ass! I wonder if she'll even be sticking around?

9:48 PM  
Blogger C. said...

And this is reason 1,000,005 that i'm so proud to call you my best friend.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Barbara said...

Um, you wrote this? Did you have insomnia or something? ;> I'm just jealous 'cause I can't seem to string two whole sentences together anymore. See?

5:29 PM  
Blogger Cory said...

I'm not that creative a wordsmith. I copied the lyrics, then just changed a few words. When this first started and I saw her on TV, I said to myself "Oh, cry me a river Star." That's where the inspiration came from.

11:41 AM  

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