Further Evidence That I'm Aging

The first clue was that I could't make it through a screening of Borat last weekend.

I recently heard this song and was impressed that she was using some of her vocal "talent". Then I listened to the lyrics. This is just plain offensive:

U + Ur Hand by Pink

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Check it out
Going out
On the late night
Looking tight
Feeling nice
It's a cock fight
I can tell
I just know
That it's going down
Tonight
At the door we don't wait cause we know them
At the bar six shots just beginning
That's when dickhead put his hands on me
But you see

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it begins
Keep your drink just give me the money
just you and your hand tonight

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh

Midnight
I'm drunk
I don't give a fuck
Wanna dance
By myself
Guess you're outta luck
Don't touch
Back up
I'm not the one
Uh,uh, buh bye
Listen up it's just not happening
You can say what you want to your boyfriends
Just let me have my fun tonight
A'ight

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it begins
Keep your drink just give me the money
just you and your hand tonight

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh oh
Break break break
Break it down

In the corner with your boys you bet up five bucks
To get at the girl that just walked in but she thinks you suck
We didn't get all dressed up just for you to see
So quit spilling your drinks on me yeah

You know who you are
High fivin, talkin shit, but you're going home alone arentcha?

Cause I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it begins
Keep your drink just give me the money
just you and your hand tonight

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it begins
Keep your drink just give me the money
just you and your hand tonight

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over
Before it begins
Keep your drink just give me the money
just you and your hand tonight

Y'all Gonna Make Me Act the Fool Up in Here

Yeah, I just made a complete ass of myself in front of my new next door neighbors and their children. Their tax return check was delivered to our house by mistake. Joe held up the envelope to the light and saw that it was for $23,000 and change. No wonder people make plans around their tax refunds.

Anyway, I knocked on their door and must have blacked out because I introduced myself three times, and made at least seven lame jokes about bearing good news. What a jerk. I blame it on the following:

1. I'm coming off a particularly bad bout of PMS during which I've been subsisting solely on Easter candy and spending my days bitching at my husband.
2. I accidentally got drunk at Bunko last night and had my first work hangover in years.
3. My car registered that it was 94 degrees out today.
4. We had to pay the IRS $5,000 this year, so I'm slightly bitter towards those who are getting back $23,000.

Ladybug it is

My sister and brother-in-law will welcome another boy baby this summer. Someone my sister knows had the idea to let big brother Evan name the baby. Yes, the three-year-old with a genius I.Q. (I believe) and an amazing imagination. We laughed about this idea, and agreed that he would probably name him Thomas the Tank Engine. After all, this is the child who named a chair Tiny Tim and a stuffed dog Kramerbell.

His first three picks when asked what to name the baby:

1. Benjamin Bunny
2. Ladybug
3. A Wadybug

No Wonder I Can't Take a Compliment

Coworker: You're wearing makeup today!

Me: I wear makeup every day.

Coworker: You do?

She is one of the guilty parties who also said "Oh, you cut your hair!"

Grrr.

Help Me

Ok. I clearly recognize Elvis, Aretha Franklin, Bette Midler, and Prince. But just who is the guy in the middle? All I can think of is the dad from the Brady Bunch. The movie, not even the TV show.

*Ding ding ding* It's a tie - both my mom and Barbara guessed Tom Jones. I can sleep tonight.

Since I've Quit Blogging:

• I went to Las Vegas.
• I bought a house.
• I schlepped all my stuff across town.
• I've cried. Sometimes daily.
• I've had company for a whole week.
• I've cried some more.

I've realized that I don't have a release for all my inner angst, hence the sporadic blogging once again.

We somehow have survived this past month with our marriage intact. Our senses of humor? Not so much.

Yesterday I got all huffy when I realized that Joe threw away the $100 Littermaid cat box. He thought it was broken because the top came off, and I'll grant him that it smelled. After my hissy fit I remembered that last weekend I locked the keys in the new house and we had to break down a door. It was a magical door made of gold and fairy dust because it's $500 to replace.

My bad.

Happy Birthday Mystery Girl!

I didn't forget your birthday, just how to blog.

I hope this is your best year yet. And if you happen to move back to Florida, it will be C.'s and my best year yet.

You are a great friend, and I'm thankful you're in my life.