What Could This Possibly Mean?

I was just browsing on Craig's List for "wanted items." Get a load of this one:

One water tank, slightly used. Also, one pinata, semi-molested, but intact. STD's OK

Serious sellers only. Please reply to this message.

Happy Birthday Christine!

You're the best friend
that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
You're my best friend

-Queen

(Please God, don't let Freddie Mercury have written that song about a lover. Thanks.)

This Just In

I only go to McDonald's once or twice a year. I just discovered that the one near my house doesn't serve hot caramel sundaes. That's unspeakable.

The Colts have a player named Booger McFarland. I hope to God that's just a nickname.

This morning while watching college basketball, one of the announcers said "That's ridunkulous!" That comment was met by embarrassed silence by his counterpart and hysterical laughter by me.

That's all for now.

True Love

Joe and I are hitting that four year mark in our relationship. That means less flowers and jewelry, and more practical gifts. Awhile ago he bought me a booklight for reading in bed. I loved it and used it all the time. One day I accidently washed it in the washing machine. It somehow survived, but ended up dying from an unknown cause last week. Today Joe bought me this at Home Depot:
I'm so excited that I could go to bed right now. When I finish mining for coal, that it.

I Hope She Googles Her Name and Finds This

Today I was visiting my Dad and I made my twice a decade trip up to the attic. I found treasures like my Barbies and Little People and baby blanket. Even though the weather's been cool I found myself nauseated and feeling faint. I said to myself "just one more box before I pass out and/or throw up and Dad has to call the fire department to haul me down." In the last box I found every V.C. Andrews book ever published and lots of INXS cassettes. I also found a certificate from my 9th grade Spanish teacher. I have no memory of receiving this award, but it's probably because I block painful events. She voted me "Most likely to get lost in Spain." Why would you do that to a self-conscious 14-year-old girl? Did I laugh? Was I mortified? Probably both. But today I just felt angry.

I'm going to make my own certificate and vote Sra. Lemus "Most likely to wear her elastic waist pants backwards." Not only is she most likely to, but she already did. That's about the only thing I remember from that class.