True Love

Joe and I are hitting that four year mark in our relationship. That means less flowers and jewelry, and more practical gifts. Awhile ago he bought me a booklight for reading in bed. I loved it and used it all the time. One day I accidently washed it in the washing machine. It somehow survived, but ended up dying from an unknown cause last week. Today Joe bought me this at Home Depot:
I'm so excited that I could go to bed right now. When I finish mining for coal, that it.

A Little Christmas Cheer

This morning I was up early and checked our Ebay account. I saw that Joe had won a giftcard to Quizno's Subs. The auction ended last night at 8:47 p.m. Since we don't live and die by Ebay, we hadn't paid for the giftcard by 6:45 a.m. today. This was the nice message from the seller:

I clearly stated Immediate payment, why have i not recieved your payment, should i open a paypal dispute claim? Do you ever plan on paying me? Please contact me, Let me now!!!Communicate!!!
Roockie

This is the response I worked on all day in my mind:

Roockie,

Chill the fuck out, man. Some people only check Ebay once a day. Not paying for an auction within 10 hours does not constitute the need for a Paypal dispute. This makes me think either the card is stolen, or that you desperately need the $20.00. Last time I checked, you couldn't pay rent, pay child support, or buy drugs using your Paypal account, so take it easy already. Oh, and when you want to "yell" at us by email, at least learn basic 3rd grade spelling and grammar, you whiny little bitch.

Up yours,
Cory

I never got to send this letter because Joe made the payment and rose above the bullshit. He's obviously a better person than both Roockie and me.

Gimme Gimme Gimme Some

Yesterday Joe had to get his wisdom teeth out. Since I and everyone else I know got theirs out at half the age Joe is now, there was plenty of material by which to torture and horrify him. I told him about the pain that is dry sockets, medication that makes you vomit, and irrigating entire meals out of the holes in your jaw bones. Bridget threw in the part about whole broccoli florets getting stuck in there, and Christine remembered that she made the mistake of eating pizza and many days later irrigated out a piece of green pepperoni. She maintains that this was the worst thing that she has ever gone through. This from a woman who has had encephalitis, given birth naturally, and gets her hoo-ha waxed on a regular basis. The best part of yesterday was when we were watching Lost and at the end they flashed on a marooned ship. In Joe's Vicodin induced stupor, he swore it was a village of headhunters. Aborigines, if you will. We argued about that for a few minutes and I even doubted my own sanity until I came to work today and someone validated that it was indeed a ship.

Mmm...Vicodin.

Don't Go Into the Light Carolann

Holy crap! During the past 15 minutes, the microwave has spontaneously turned itself on twice. I am freaking out. I know that there is probably some reasonable explanation like a short or something, but I prefer to believe that our house is built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground. It is Florida after all.

Is Darius Rucker getting better looking? What happened here? He must have lost weight or is just one of those men who gets better with age like Timothy Hutton and Patrick Dempsey - mmmm. I had to ask someone if that was actually him on the Burger King commercial. I think the appearance on a Burger King commercial dressed as a cowboy signals an upturn in the old music career. That, and the fact that you performed during Super Bowl week with other top headliners like Boyz II Men, Kool and the Gang, and Jon Secada.

Joe's surround sound system came this evening. Since I spent my life's (har har) savings on the wedding, the poor thing had to buy his own birthday gift this year - hey, at least it was from the "marital" account. I don't think he knows I named it that yet, but it works for me. When it got here I said "Happy Birthday to you from you" and he said "Thank you, me."